Big Girls Cry
by Oblivionokay
Summary: Based on an anon prompt from tumblr the year in a life of a character (Zoe) through the seasons.
1. Part 1 Summer

**_Anon Promt from Tumblr: a year if the life of a character through the out the seasons._**

 ** _This chapter based on the song Bird Set Free - by Sia_**

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Casting down its red light the sun began to set on Holby. The birds retired to their nests. Zoe walked out of the ED doors, another day put to bed. Her jacket lay across her arm and her bag was slung over her shoulder. She just wanted to make it home, boil the kettle, take a cool shower and sit out on the balcony for the final few hours of the evening in cotton pyjamas with a good book.

But the reality was a quick shower before sitting down with a pile of paperwork she'd been putting off for the past few weeks and then the earliest bed time she could manage, for the morning would start before sunrise for sure. The evening seemed to creep by, the clocks hands moving with a silent tick as the hum of the radio made for decent background noise. Zoe sat crossed legged on the floor surround by paper all spread out in what seemed to have no logical order but to her made perfect sense. The look on her face was neutral no joy but no despair either. She'd chosen this career she couldn't really moan. The light outside began to fade the room grew dim and the laptop screen blared. The radio had been turned off and a lamp in the corner switched on. The paper had found its way into a neat pile on the kitchen table. Zoe bent down to pick up the laptop and pressed the power button. The room fell into a sleep. Zoe made her way into the bedroom and pulled back the covers, she climbed into bed. The room was surprisingly cool for early August. But with British weather you never actually know what to expect anymore.

 _'Clipped wings I was a broken thing'_

Morning came far too quickly for the liking of Zoe. Even though it was still dark outside the sun had begun to make its way across the horizon, its light scattering as it hit the ground. The gaps in Zoe's blinds allowed a little bit to seep in. She shifted over to the other side of the bed at the sound of her alarm. Her hand flailed about trying to find the phone to put an end to the noise it was prevailing but it wasn't working. Zoe reluctantly opened her eyes rubbing them with her fingers. She managed to prop herself up enough to reach the side and turn off the alarm. She looked at the room around her as her head hit the pillow again. The temptation to just close her eyes again and ignore the day that lay ahead was almost too much to resist, but she had to get up. Her legs were forced to twist around, her feet finally hitting the floor and the rest of her body followed in the motion until she was standing beside her bed. She'd laid a dress out the day before, it hung from the wardrobe door, the blue material falling towards the floor.

She finally emerged from the bathroom, her hair slightly damp still and the ends of it were sticking up in all different directions. She sat down in front of the mirror, her eyes had little dark circles under them and lack of sleep would be the death of her one day she thought. She pulled the brush through her hair until it lay relatively flat, before pulling her dress up and reaching behind her to pull up the zip. She walked back over the mirror and began to apply her makeup. She sighed at the fact she had to get through another twelve-hour shift with nothing interesting to talk to anyone about and no one to keep her company. The hair straighteners clicked indicating they had reached temperature, she inspected her reflection and she pressed the heated plates to the sections of her hair. When does this job begin to break a person? Can no one get out completely unaffected right?

The car engine cut out as she made it to the hospital car park, the sun had risen and now lit her path. Her heels clicked along the tarmac. She reached the ED doors, they parted for her. She inhaled deeply before stepping in. Little did she know that was the day her whole life would change.

* * *

As late summer came around Zoe had a new spring in her step, he pace lighter, her face fresh and her eyes now had their twinkle back. She had met that day the one she referred to as the love of her life. It had been ordinary but then suddenly so extraordinary. His name was Max, he was younger than herself, but they got on straight away. Passing the odd sarcastic comment between them, laughing at inappropriate things. Then just last week she kissed him. No thoughts, no hesitation just their lips touching. The relief when he kissed her back could have made her fall to the ground. She was over whelmed her summer love story. So to answer the earlier question. Yes you can make it out without it breaking you. She'd finally found her hope. Over the remainder of the summer Zoe took some days off, which before would be completely out of her nature. She was finally enjoying life again. Max gave her a reason to smile in the mornings as she lay in bed next to Max their limbs entangled ad the covers pushed back to let the heat radiate from them. The times when she'd get out of the shower and look in the mirror the dark circles had faded, and behind her always stood max reminding her that she was beautiful and kissing her cheek before handing her a warm cup of coffee. These were the mornings she'd always dreamt off and now it was her reality she didn't quite know what the future held. She was happy, so happy. She didn't think a person could be this happy but apparently they can. In this life anything is possible and now with max she finally realised that. He was what she wanted her forever to be. The cheeky comments, the whispered compliments as they passed in the corridors and the stolen kissing when no one was around.

Everyone had noticed the sudden shift in Zoe, she seemed much more contented with her work as well as in herself. Those who knew her best had caught on without much thought, but other still seemed a little in the dark. As the last few days of August dawned and went Zoe decided that it was time to tell the world how she felt for this once stranger who turned out to be everything she'd wanted in life. so as the 31st August came she pulled Max towards in her front of the who department and kissed him, he was a little taken back at first but soon settled to the idea and pulled her closer. The sealing of the fate that was yet to come, a vow of love, of protection and of their future.

 _'I shout it out like a bird set free'_


	2. Part 2 Autumn

**I honestly forgot I'd even finished this chapter! But here it is... I will try my best to actually finished this story I can't promise anything tho xx**

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The past few weeks had been what one could only describe as a whirlwind romance. Zoe had well and truly been swept of her feet. In the moments after she'd kissed Max everything that was out of place seemed to just fit into its space. Her whole life no longer felt like a joke. She was a peace with her past and very much focused on e years to come. But they had decided to take it one month at a time. To just enjoy each and everyday together. The had been to the cinema multiple times and had, had picnics, along with evenings just curled up on the sofa in front go the tv watching whatever trashy film caught their attention.

They had spent mornings stood out on the balcony watching as the sun rose lighting up the Earth for another day in paradise. They had watched as the leaves turned from green to yellow and then to a redy brown. They had watched the birds leave their homes and head off for the winter. They had witnessed the changing season, together. That to them was the most important part.

How hard could it be to just make it home before the rain set in? In Zoe's case extremely. She always seemed to hit the bad luck these past few days. She got completely drenched yesterday even just running from the car to the apartment block. But today it would be even worse, Max had taken the car as his shift finished earlier and he'd been sent on a shopping trip by Zoe. But the car was a sacrifice she'd been willing to make in order to actually have a proper cooked meal not a takeaway again.

Being a full time doctor was not such a glamorous job as everyone always presumed. It was hard toil and in Holby there was never another disaster too far away. Her shift today had been no different, the numerous walk in patients all with some kind of accidental injury that had been acquired through sheer lack of common sense. Who in their right mind decides it's a good idea to touch the oven shelves to test if the oven is hot enough to cook a pizza? Zoe had been dealing with minors today and she hated it, unless some child was brought in, but today wasn't one of those days. She always felt more at piece when treating children, they were much more gentle and appreciative in nature.

 _I got a feeling, I got a feeling_

 _Danger is coming, danger is coming_

 _Danger is coming_

She reached the exit of the ED and pulled her coat more tightly round her. Piles of yellowing leaves lined the edge of the paths, and the tree branches looked bare. She looked up to the sky, she couldn't see much as it was beginning to blacken and the cloud was thick so it was a starless night. The moon was covered by a misty haze as it reflected the sun's light. Zoe began to walk away from the building and rounded the corner, making her way off the hospital grounds.

The roads that ran out, towards the main city seemed quite. A little too quiet, especially for this time of the day. Well evening if we are being picky. She strolled down the path, keeping close to the grass on the left hand side. The trees created a shadow that looked a little like an arch way that would in the summer be filled with flowers of all different colours. But today it was dark, dull and cold. The chill in the air had intensified, Zoe could feel the tip of her nose going cold and her fingers losing a little bit of sensation. As she grew closer to home the path grew narrower, the streetlights were placed further apart and the roads seemed to get a little busier.

The air had become heavy, slick with moisture. Zoe looked up the sky was completely back now, a drop of rain landed on the tip of her nose. 'Ugh' she huffed, this was the last thing she needed. She began to walk faster as the rain got heavier. She even thought about running, but running really wasn't her style. Her feet were soaked along with the majority of the rest of her body too. In that moment she really felt like Max was the devil rather than it being her fault for allowing him to take the car. But oh well. She was only a couple of streets away from home now and she was so relieved.

She had to just turned the corner and was standing at the edge of the road making sure to look both ways before crossing over. She knew full well what drivers round there were like for going that little bit too fast, she too was guilty of it on days when she was ready to give up on everything. She looked left to right then right to left, before stepping out. She reached the other side, the roads were quiet this evening. She was so close to home now she could have jumped for joy. On a scale of 1 to 100 she was definitely nearing the 90 mark.

The trees faded off into the distance behind her, the buildings were more built up around this area, she always too the short cut through the estate, the other way took so much longer and tonight of all nights she wasn't putting herself through that. The next street was one of the richest in Holby, if she wasn't at work for so many house a day it would definitely be the sort of place she'd buy to live in. But for the lack of hours they actually spent at home their apartment was perfect. She carried on wandering in the direction of home, the rain had subsided so Zoe was a little more relaxed. In her line of work nothing every surprised her anymore, she had seen so much, much more than one could ever wish to, in her opinion. But for what happened next she would never have been prepared.

How is one meant to comprehend everything that happened in the moments after? The pure fear that fell upon Zoe's face as she realised. Only to then a second later come to the conclusion that it could literally be the end of your existence.

The pale moonlight that fell upon the ground before her in an instant turned to a blaring stream of of pure white light. Zoe tried to move faster but being in the middle of a road with a car inches away from you, suddenly all you can do is just think about all things you've still go to and all the things you've ever done. Zoe couldn't bare to look to her right, she needed to run but it was too late. The car hadn't seen Zoe crossing over the road and it hadn't cut its speed. Zoe stood no chance. It all happened in the blink of an eye. The force of impact was destroying, but not necessarily fatal as such although nothing was certain in this life.

She lay abandoned on the road, the Tarmac doing its best to comfort her. She wiggled her fingers beside her, they fell into a watery substance. She lifted her hand to be greeted by the dripping of her blood and it ran down her flesh back onto the ground. No one was around, she was alone. She had to stay awake. She knew she did. She began to shout of for help. It hurt a lot, every time she inhaled she could have sworn another rib cracked. She was losing too much blood and at a rate that was far faster than she would ever survive for more than another half an hour without help. She needed to get to hospital, but no one cared, no one came.

She closed her eyes, her body wanting her to give into its demands to just accept this was her time. But no, she had to fight. Someone would find her. She had to hang onto that hope. She lay under the moon light begging for Max's warm embrace. Begging for a saviour. Begging for someone, anyone to see her to help her to let her make it out of this alive.

Her miracle came. She was spotted by a passer-by, they rushed over to her side. By this point she was lay unconscious, her breathing raspy and her pulse very weak. This wasn't exactly how she'd planned to spend her evening. They phoned an ambulance and sat by her side, speaking to her gently hope that she'd come round. The blue lights soon lit up the street, and out climbed Jeff and Dixie. They saw Zoe lying on the road and ran towards her. "Zoe, Zoe can you hear me. It's me Jeff, you're going to be okay princess."

The passer-by got up and backed away, they seemed shocked that the paramedics seemed to already know who Zoe was and anyway their job was done. Dixie radioed into the ED, treating one of your own was never an easy task and they also needed to alert Max to the situation. Zoe's skin was icy and her sats were well below 95%. Her bp was dangerously low. They loaded her onto the ambulance and drove off to Holby City Hospital. Home.

A crowd of staff were positioned outside in anticipation of the arrival of Zoe, they had been told to prepare for the worst. Max was on his way in, although he seemed calm on the phone inside he'd been dying. He was a mess, who wouldn't be, but he rushed to the hospital as fast as he could. Zoe was taken straight to resus and hooked up to the machines. Connie had taken the lead of her care, she ordered a chest X-ray and full CT, along with FBCs, Us&Es, LFTs, amylase and a cross match of 8 units.

Max got to the hospital, not knowing what to think or what to say. His mouth felt dry and his limbs ached with worry. The pain of even the possibility of losing Zoe was too much to contend with. He got to the entrance, the doors before him slid open and he stepped through, the crowding of the ED suddenly wasn't like normal. It was so overwhelming, even though it was normal. It was his everyday life but today he was on the other side of the scene. He was involved. He was the irrationally thinking relative just wanting the best for Zoe. He needed to see her. He needed to see her now.

He ran to the reception desk almost falling over a chair as he did so. Noel put out his hand and pressed it to Max's shoulder in a failed attempt to try and calm him slightly. With his attempts failing completely Noel resorted to eating the hysterical Max wonder through into resus. The sight before him was one he was completely unprepared for. Zoe was lay flat on her back, wires extending from her arms and trailing to the monitors around steady rhythm of her heart beat echoed around the room. Those who had been standing beside Zoe's bed cleared out of the room and left Max alone. He walked over to Zoe and took her hand, her finger tips pressed to his palm he lifted it up and kissed her hand. What he'd given to just take her up in his arms and squeeze her tightly and never let go ever again. But instead he faced the reality of her never waking up again. That pained him more than anything in the world.

He sat in a chair beside her the gentle hum of the machines as the measured Zoe's vitals. The rise and fall of her chest acting as a small comfort in the mess of their poor fate. Max had never had a person he felt so much for to have to care about before and now he was questioning why people at bother to fall in love only to run the risk of getting hurt, to be vulnerable and fall victim to the cruel ways the world turns. He looked over at her sleeping form, her eyes held the remaining tints of her purple eyeshadow. He was always amazed at how whatever coloured she wore she always pulled it off, he'd never meet anyone with that kind of raw ability before and he was sure he never would again.

* * *

Many would have expected my story to end there and in the moments after the car hit me so did I. The pain had surged through my body, my bones cracked from within me and the life started to drain from my pores. I honestly thought I was a goner but here I am. It seems miracles do happen.

* * *

Zoe was soon enough discharged she'd had quit enough of seeing holby from the other side. Max had vowed to take good care of her but as much as she loved him fussing over her she was so used to going it alone that after a few days she sent him back to work so she could rest in peace. The next few weeks flew by and her body healed to the point unless you knew what had happened you wouldn't have known at all. Zoe returned to work and life resumed. Max and Zoe's relationship was stronger than ever.

It seemed that being put in the position where in the blink of an eye everything you had and that you knew could be gone made people value what they still have. Winter was well and truly off to blustery start. The storm before the snow settled.

 _I know I'd take one million bullets babe_


End file.
